Thursday, February 7, 2008

What a long, strange trip its been


I haphazardly opened the door and stepped onto the snowy porch. Warmly dressed in my 'new' velvet ~LOVE~ sweatpants with my Grey and Pink snuggly sweatshirt, under my puffy Royal-Blue coat.
One foot down a step, next foot down a step.
Slip. Slide.
Brace fall with my hand, just in time to stop the near-foreboding-disastrous face plant into slush. Staring intently at me, Naomi and the
10-year-old-neighbor-boy, Junior (Who happened to be walking by, at just the right moment. But ignored the omniscient premonition to bring out the video camera and instead opted for his shovel.)
They watched as I fell forward in a silent-slow-motion-movie-scene which turned into an eruption of laughter.

"Aahahaha. Aaaahahahahaha."

"OH MY GOD."

"Hehehehe, hahahaha."

"Mom are you - OK?!?

I'm laughing the loudest, trying to mask the pain.

"Ouuuuuuchhhhh."

Ewww, I'm also cold and wet. I stand up, walk back up the stairs and into the warm house. Somewhere - sometime ago, this mishap was written into the script of my life and damn it if that picture ain't worth 10,ooo dollars!
Why did neighbor-boy disobey the command!?! I could very well be on my way to being thousands of dollars richer. Thanks a lot chump. Your shovel sucks ass!
I change into dry clothes. This time I choose my Green, terry-cloth pants with my Arts, Beats & Eats T-shirt under my Black-leather-hooded jacket. Damn I prefer my puffy, Royal-Blue coat in this type of weather, but it was wet and I could not stand the thought of cold, wet fabric touching my bare skin.
Try again.
Thankfully, Naomi had the car started and it was warm as I plopped into the driver's seat. It was her idea to venture out into the winter storm for Thai food. She did a great job of removing the snow from the windshield and I knew the Drunken Thai Noodles would be worth the pain and angst of driving to get them.
Besides, I did not feel like cooking. When do I ever?

"Vvvrrrrooooommm, vvvrrrrooooommm."
The wheels could not move the car out of the driveway.

"Damn, we have to shovel."

"I'll help too."

Of course you will, you better be glad I have an insatiable desire for tasty Thai goodies. We shoveled for a solid, hard 7 minutes of manual labor and I worked up a big appetite. The sweat rolled off my forehead and I caught some salty drips with my tongue, salivating at the thought of the food turning cold, while it waited for us to pick it up.
Already, we were 15 minutes late.
I urgently, jetted off to retrieve the goods. The back end of the car sliding to and fro. I drove cautiously and precisly to the Thai Inn Resturant, where the food was lovingly prepared for our healthy consumption.
Safely, we returned home with our Noodles in hand and I ate them, savoring their exquisite taste. Shortly after enjoying my dinner, just as I was about to kick up my legs and rest...The phone rang...

"Hello."

"Hi Meagan, it's Ursula. Guess what?!? My van broke down and Mikey and I are stranded at Arbys. It died out, right smack in the middle of the road and would not start back up. Can you come get us?"

Approximately an hour had passed, since I last ventured out into the eye of the storm. I walked out my door, stepping into the snow, knowing that it hid a sheet of ice.
This time around, I told myself not to slip as I grasped the Silver metal railing. I looked over at the 'new' 3 inches of snow covering my car.
After wiping the snow from my car for a second time (OK, Naomi did most of it the first time), I thought, I'll never make it. I'm going to call and tell her. Ughhhh.
No, she'd do it for me.
I'm exhausted while trying to be compassionate, irritated but determined. On a rescue mission, I drive off into the Grey slushy, shimmering White night.
I only count two cars stuck in ditches on my way down the blistery, blustry one-lane trail.
Finally, after taking double the time to get to the destination, I anxiously approach the intersection and I can see the Green van's blinking hazard lights.
I turn into Arby's parking lot and Naomi goes inside. Then, she comes back out with a confused look on her face.

"They're not in there, are you sure we're at the right Arbys?"
"What, you've got to be kidding me!?!"
I get out, go in and glance my eyes around the empty dining room. I get back into the car, thinking it was a good thing that I finally caved in and bought a cell phone.
How did I ever live without one, throughout my twenties and into my thirties?!?

"Hello, where are you?"

"Do you see my van, look in the middle lane. I'm right here. Don't you see me?"

"Yeah, I see your van. Why are you sitting in the van with Mikey?"

"Mikey is in Arbys. I came out here to try and start it. It acted like it was going to start but it won't."

"OK, well ummm. I did not see Mikey in there."

"He is in there, he must be in the bathroom or something."

Or something?!?

"Do you think you could push me into the 7-11 parking lot?"

"With my car!?! Uhhhh, no I don't think so and I'm surely not pushing with my arms."

My shin throbbed with pain, I was going to have a sore bruise, resulting from my earlier fall.

"Can you just try to push it, I can't leave it in the road and I don't want to pay 50 dollars to have it towed."

Whaaaah. You might have to.
OK. Sigh. I guess, I could try.

"Seriously, your going to buy me a new bumper if I smash mine up."

I pull up behind the jolly, Green, giant van and gently tap my bumper up against its bumper. I wait for the Green, left turn light and push my foot down into the gas pedal.
The van is moving. I keep the wheel straight and gun it some more as the van crosses the lanes.
Woah, I'm pushing it with my car.
I glide it perfectly into a parking space.
Whewww. I did it. You're welcome.
I smell a burning-rubber-on-ice-plastic-scented-fume. It will be OK - I hope.
We drive back across the street to Arbys and pick up the kiddies. Naomi holding a paper sack of trans-fat.Feeling accomplished, I head on down the road. I am a good friend. You find out who your friends are during times like these.
Ursula, you know that - right?!?
"Will you stop and Walgreens, I need to get Mikey some napkins to take to school, just in case he has school. His class is celebrating the Chinese New Year."

"Sure, why not?"

While you're in the store , I rub my hand around my 'new' extremely-soft-steering-wheel-cover and thank the heavens for keeping us safe in the midst of the wintry blast.
Happy, happy, joy, joy - It's the Chinese New Year.
I get a vision of dragon.
I pull onto your snowy, steep street and the car goes half-way up the hill.

"What in the hell. Don't they plow your road?!?"

I reverse back down, making sure I don't slide off into a snow drift. The last thing I need right now is to be stuck at the end of your road and have to spend the night in your apartment.
Oh. I. Want. To. Go. Home. Now.
I start back up the road and the same thing happens, the car won't go beyond a certain point.

"You two need to get out and walk the rest of the way home. Good-bye."

"Ohhhh damn girrlll, I don't want to walk."

Are you *ucking kidding me!?!

"Ohhhh wellll, Mikey get out. Thanks for picking us up. Tomorrow, I'll give you some gas money. My car might start by tomorrow."

Fuck that...would an evil friend take their phone off the hook?

Bwwaaahhhahahahahahahahah.

4 comments:

Melissa said...

Those are the kind of days you want to stay inside (uninjured) in velvet sweatpants, have Thai delivered, and not poke your head out until the storm has passed.

You were a good friend.

Adamity_Bomb_Bomb said...

Hell, yeah, you were a good friend, Meeg. And kudos to pushing the car in the right place the first time. That ain't always easy.

Also, loved the description of Naomi holding the paper sack of trans-fats. =o)

Me_Again said...

Thanks.
But. Now. I. Have.
bald front tires.

JenBun said...

Aww, you're a great friend!

That Michigan weather is frightening-- I've only been there once, but it was in December, and this California girl is definitely NOT used to temperatures that low! Negative degrees? How the hell is that possible?!?!?

I'm going to go outside and enjoy our high-60s-degree weather now. Let the sunshine in, the sun shine iiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnn! =)

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